1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
