she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
