2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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