Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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