if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
