I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
