So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
