TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
