my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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