you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
