So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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