She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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