my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
