My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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