i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
