it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It's never too late to be topless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
