I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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