I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
