oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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