I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
