He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
