i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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