ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
