Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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