Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
