Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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