Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
