I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
