well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
