So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize