david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
