awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
