I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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