Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
