the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
