Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
