You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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