I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
