Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
