did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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