Yo dont text me then not text me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I didn't notice because vodka
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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