btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just want to make out with him forever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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