I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
