why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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