she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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