I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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