You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
