you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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