if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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