Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
