If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
