I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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