Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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